Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Is your people library holding you back?



From birth to present the people that you meet leave a part of themselves within you. Like a library of books we have an internal collection of people, some helped us to grow and become who we are whilst others shown us what darkness is, some may have suffocated our spirit, tied a rope around and some fed up negativity in a quest to strangle our soul. They were all still an integral part of who we are.


Would I be the person I am today without my quota of sadness?
No way! It was during those times that I truly found the real me.
I always seemed to be on the difficult path like it was my choice at the crossroads to be there. Looking back there was never a choice it was just a road I went on with no options for the easier path.

Buddhism helped me to accept all the people in my life, past relationships and acquaintances with acceptance, admittedly it took time, but I am getting there. Happiness comes from accepting all events with equanimity. Things just are, they don't have to arrive or depart with a good or bad label attached. That was the most powerful three words I had to learn as I was programmed to question everything. Events and people in my life from a small child to now. Accepting  "just are/just so" is a great coping mechanism to build up resilience to life’s ups and downs, without needing or wanting to be rescued by another person is liberating.

When you try your best to accept EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING as just so life becomes easier.
I even adopt this approach now to my illness and it is astounding how a new mindset has had such a profound effect on my overall happiness. I recently find myself explaining I am still ill, no difference at all just a lot happier and it is showing in my smile.

I still get moments when my soul recognises another.
Do you get them moments when you feel like you have been reunited with a childhood friend?

Obviously, this is not the case as the person is a complete stranger but our souls do recognise each other. In India, a Sanskrit greeting is still used daily, Namaste. It means "I bow to the God within you" or "The Spirit within me salutes the Spirit in you." It has been somewhat diluted as people get wasted in festivals and come home all full of "Namaste" spouting eternal wisdom after one joint!


I tried to explain this "collecting people" to my son recently in a quest to help him grieve and pass through the five stages of grief. The best explanation I could give him was my own experiences when getting Fibro simplified and use blocks as a simile. 

If we imagine our growth as a person as building blocks in a tall tower, each block a unit of time as we grow. Any sadness, pain (emotional and physical) trauma causes an imperfection in the block anything from a chunk missing to a chip, regardless of this we continue to grow on top. The imperfections cause an instability within the internal structure and at any unknown time, the blocks will fall.


I always believe this is what happened to me, I ignored the emotional issues, trauma, heartache within my life and believed I was strong enough. By putting a lid on an emotion and storing it away in your mind does not mean you have dealt effectively with that emotion. 

Some people get great relationships/their rocks/added structure and towers of strength to them but even this scaffolding was denied to me and so eventually at one of the saddest moments within my life my bricks fell and I became unwell with fibromyalgia and ME.

Possible triggers
Fibromyalgia is often triggered by a stressful event, including physical stress or emotional (psychological) stress. Possible triggers for the condition include:
  • an injury
  • a viral infection
  • giving birth
  • having an operation
  • the breakdown of a relationship
  • being in an abusive relationship
  • the death of a loved one


However, in some cases, fibromyalgia does not develop after any obvious trigger.. 


What I am trying to advocate here is that we need as humans to heal during every phase of pain. We can never heal as a human until we forgive, we need to allow this in order to move on. Sometimes you will never get an apology from someone, you will never understand why as you could not have acted in that way to them but you need closure now and you get that when you forgive them in your mind and move on. 

Life is wonderful and we should not waste it feeling full of negativity, emotional baggage, and fear of new adventure. There is a great Buddhist teaching by Shanti Deva, an eighth century Buddhist Monk.
When you walk on the Earth your feet may get cut. You can either lay down hides of leather wherever you walk, or instead wrap leather around your feet and make a pair of moccasins.

We don't need to tiptoe through life scared of all we meet as our people library is holding us back, embrace every new adventure, we have our own natural resilience it is called love.


 Love and gentle hugs to you all

Find me also on


Also as admin for the group  WOMEN WITH FIBROMYALGIA

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